Officer Alvarez mean mean mean

every time I'm about to attempt to forgive this woman they send her right back in at me with more infractions and more of rubbing it in my face I've gotten so upset with officer Alvarez to the point of bringing me to tears. she knew that I was being caused a great deal of pain while I was in the jail. I was trying to get it to stop I didn't have a lot of defense for the pain. she was walking past my bank smiling and laughing and while you're in the midst of an attack and being caused a great deal of pain emotional intelligence is not readily available it's hard for me to accept and understand that some of these officers motivations are not their own. it was upsetting the situation was not funny. it reminded me of the day that I laid on the bathroom floor dying while I was married. when I laid on the bathroom floor dying because my ex-husband had poisoned me he came into the bathroom and he was smiling and laughing as I lay there dying. he knew that I was dying because he poisoned me and he knew that when the coroner and all of the police officers showed up to take my dead body out of the house that would have happened right in front of my children so I guess you could call it a trigger when somebody walks past laughing and smiling when I'm in a great deal of pain because it takes me back to my highly abusive marriage and the most hideous man who is keeping my children captive trapped in abuse and so I have strong emotions surrounding this bad behavior and it is hard very hard to achieve forgiveness