Pinning me against wall screaming

This was sent two days after my children were taken and I was trying to plead with Morsi and I was telling him all the things I knew Greg would have never told him. 


Mr Morsi, I have become aware just recently that my husband has been accusing me of being abusive to him. I did not know he was lying and saying that I had been hitting and beating on him there was only one isolated incident that I hit my husband. he pinned me up against the wall and was screaming hit me, hit me, if it it will make you feel better i want you to hit me I gave into temptation and I hit him. my children were coming in and out of the house and i was terrified that they would see what he was doing. Anikin had already seen too much and the children had all suffered from his anger. I did hit him and I hit as hard as I could but he didn't even feel it. That was the day I learned if I was ever mugged I was done for. Then my husband pulled our 6 year old daughter into the living room yelling look what mommy is doing. At that time it was over and when he tried telling her mommy hit him she didn't believe him because mom never hits. This happened just one month before the CPS investigation began and I wonder if this tipped Ava over the fence to go to her teacher.
I was riddled with guilt constantly saying sorry and waiting on him hand and foot. I broke my own rule no hands of anger and I was having a hard time living with myself. I made an appointment with Dr. Strange when the guilt started to make me physically ill. We didn't have a marriage counselor during this time we had so many because the moment they said that Greg had to make changes he would fire them. Then he would go on a search for another and what he was doing was profiling he was looking for a counselor that he could manipulate into believing his lies that I was crazy. He then could continue the abuse and convince all outside influences that I was crazy and it wasn't really happening. 
 I will regret doing it for the rest of my life. Three days after the incident we went to Dr. Strange and told him of the incident in it's entirety. Her, my church group, and the grievance counselors at the rape crisis center agreed that he planned it this way so he could use the incident to control and manipulate me. It worked in an evil way I was riddled with guilt and no matter what I tried to do to make amends it didn't work and he said now that you hit me there will be no date nights and I will not be going to the pawn shop to get your wedding ring back. My daycare parents witnessed my husband abusing me and that is when and why the cps investigation began. That's what two parents had told me but I don't know how true that was or weather or not they called because that information is not shared with me. I was just so very thankful to have CPS.
 When I told my daycare children that Mr. Greg would absent for a short time until the investigation was finished they jumped up and cheered. The children began to share with me how and when Mr. Greg had been mean to them. I felt like a big dummy because I was unaware.